Hurting

We got home Tuesday morning and things hit home. As if Monday things didn't. Crazy thing is....last week, last month, three months ago, etc. Mike and I....along with Tinkerbell, Harmony, and Dallas were the only ones who lived here in this house. So why is it that it seems so lonely here now?! This house feels empty. Mike and I feel it both. We are thankful to have each other of course.....but we feel empty inside. Lonely. Hurting. All of those emotions. All at the same time. We kinda walk around like zombies. Zombies that are trying to be here for each other....and talk to each other....but it's kinda hard when you are dealing with the same thing.

Mike is taking it alot harder this time than the last two. He saw more and I am sure felt more this time. He has been feeling very down and I am trying my best to pick him up. I am also feeling down. And my body is sore. And I feel cramps all day. And it sucks. We feel LOST.

AND....Mike's brothers girlfriend is having their first baby today. It's a very exciting time for them. Their first child together. Our new niece is being born today. I feel selfish. We don't know if we can bring ourselves to go to the hospital today. We are very happy for them. We know they are very excited today. But God has some really bad timing. We said goodbye to our baby girl on Monday....and they say hello to theirs today. Talk about having something right there in your face. I know we will come around....but we need our time to grieve too. Is that selfish?

My old youth minister from a couple of years when I was in High School sent me this scripture.... and I really like it.....

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

We don't get it. This whole situation we are in...AGAIN. I don't understand why this is happening.... it makes me angry...and sad. But I guess we need to remember....God is in control...and we need to acknowledge Him.....and he will get us through this.