Venting
This is kind of out of the blue. I haven't really blogged much lately. But for the past few days I have been feeling kinda down. Don't get me wrong....life is good....I feel blessed.....but there is something inside that is still bothering me. Does that make sense?
This year has been a pretty tough year for Mike and I. Alot of ups....followed by alot of downs. The good news is....we have made it through those times together. I know that I can depend on him for anything....and I really hope he feels the same way.
That being said.....Does anyone ever feel like God is testing them?? I mean....I know that God is good. I know that he is loving. But man....I have been feeling lately that he is just throwing everything in my face. I do not plan on going into to detail about what I am talking about. If you figure it out....then you figure it out.....I just don't plan on coming out and saying it. I mean....I feel like everywhere I turn....several things in my daily life...are filled with things that are hurting me. It's so hard to stay positive....to stay polite.....to be truly sincere....although I am. I have found that it IS possible to feel two completely different emotions at the same time. It is possible to be happy....and also sad. At this very moment in my life...I have soooo much to be thankful for. I really do. But I am still struggling with some of my feelings. I feel like screaming at people sometimes. I mean.....does anyone know how I feel??!! And NO....it's not all about me....but geez....I am expected to be happy and upbeat for everyone else.....is it to much to ask to have the same consideration for my feelings too? Probably so. And let me tell you why. UNLESS you have been through what I have been through....you will never understand it completely. I don't mean that in a rude way. I am just being honest. You can try to understand. But trust me when I say....you really have no idea. I know this because I use to be one of those people to. I tried to understand....but like any life lesson....unless you have been in that situation...you can't understand it completely.
Basically I needed to vent today. I do feel that God is testing me right now. I also know that I have to keep my faith and trust in him. I have seen this saying many times.... "I know that God will not put anything in my life that I can not handle....I just wish he didn't trust me so much!!" Well there you go.....that sums everything up....why on earth does he trust ME so much??!! =)
posted by Shell & Mike @ 6:54 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
first off..you are an incredibly strong person. i have read all your blogs and i think that i am 99% sure of what you are talking about, in terms of "what" you are going through. and i too know how this feels. i am glad that you have a great husband to turn to when you are feeling this way. it helps a lot. hang in there. and i do agree with you that people do not understand how things are unless they too go through it themselves. i have dealt with this as well. i DO understand you 100% on that. brighter days are ahead.
Thanks Danielle. I appreciate the thoughts.
First off, I thought I responded to this last week, but now I dont see my comment, so I'm trying to re-write it...sorry if it somehow shows up twice or something.
Thank you so much for venting. I have had you on my heart and mind for the past few months, wondering how you are. Now I know.
You are right- unless someone has been where you have, they cannot understand. Sure, we can empathize with you, cry with you, and genuinely hurt for you, but I cant hurt like you do. I have not been there. The hard part is knowing how to be- what to say or do to be sensitive to your feelings. Is it best to be silent and cry together? Is it better to laugh about everything and anything we can to take our minds off it? Honestly, I dont know.
I recently read a post written from a mother who lost her son due to a neurological defect. I think the theory applies to any kind of loss or heartache. You might be interested to read:
http://sgtandmrshub.blogspot.com/2008/10/infant-loss.html
I'm so sorry for the less-than-sensitive people and the daily reminders that continue to hurt you. Truly, I am.
That being said, yes, I think God "tests" us. Not so much in a way that He purposely throws things at us to see if we literally "pass the test," but more I think He uses specific circustances or a series of events to bring us to Himself. I know from my own life, when things are great, it can be easy to offer a quick "thanks, God" and go about my business. Its easy to forget how much we truly need Him in our lives. That we cant do it all by ourselves.
I also think that God can use people in those hard times to impact others. I have been impacted by you and your story. I am inspired by your stength, and I have hugged Ryleigh tighter every day, realizing that she is a miracle and a gift. I love my dad differently, thankful that he is here to hug me when I need a daddy's hug.
I know it does not seem fair and believe it or not, I have had several conversations with God on your behalf, reminding Him how unfair I think it is. =)
Take it all to Him. Vent to family and friends- and God! He can take it. It's okay to be happy...and sad...and angry...and hurt...and frustrated...and confused. God gave us all of those emotions. And if anyone can truly "understand" where you are coming from, its Him.
Friend, I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I wish I could do something (anything!) to help and make it better. You know you can always call to vent. I'm here, and I genuinely care about your sweet heart. Love ya!
Thanks Melody....I really, really appreciate the response. I needed to read that today.
Shelley, I just saw this post. I have not been keeping up very well lately.
I just want to say that it is not too much for others to consider your feelings. We all need compassion (I was just writing about this on my blog). I know I don't understand what you are going through and exactly how you feel. I do know that however you feel is okay. It's okay not to be upbeat for everyone. It's okay to hurt and be angry and be sad and be confused. That's just part of being a person in difficult times.
Sometimes God does test us. Sometimes it's just part of life. Whichever it is, I'm glad to know that you are holding onto faith and asking Him. That's the key. Not that you will always feel better.
I wish there were right words to say. There aren't, so I'll just let you know that I love, will pray for you, and that you are welcome to vent to me anytime you want! Really! Sometimes we just need that. And if you need someone to agree with you that sometimes things just stink, I can do that too.
I love you, friend!
Thanks Sarah. I appreciate the response! =)
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