2/20/2010

A year ago today I was admitted into the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy. I had no idea that the next day would be the end of my pregnancy. I had hoped that I would be there in the hospital for another couple of months. God had different plans.

Tomorrow marks one year since we lost Ava. If she would of survived we would be celebrating her 1st birthday. We would have enjoyed a full year of laughs and firsts and all that wonderful stuff that comes with being a parent. But God had different plans.

Instead....... we had another year of celebrating other parents "firsts". We sat on the sidelines and watched others around us....some up close....and some from a distance.....celebrate the things we wanted to be celebrating. And I dont just mean from the sidelines.....we participated too. We encouraged when we could.....we praised when we could.....and on the days we couldn't....we kept our distance. Cause it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that those "firsts"....are so important to those parents. And being supportive of others is something I feel is extremely important.....but to be honest with you....my heart wasn't always in it. Sometimes we had to fake it. There are days when I really wanted to run from alot of things. But God had different plans.

Eventhough I am going on 26 weeks pregnant.....I STILL have a hard time on bad days. We are still waiting for our "firsts"......and right now....besides the faith we have in God.....we are still empty handed at this point. Tomorrow is a reminder of a day in my life that I wish had never happened. But it did. And all we can do is realize how far we have come in one short year. Mike and I never gave up hope that God does have a plan for us. We just haven't been crazy about his plan so far. But we know that no matter what....God does have a plan for us.....and it is on his terms.....on his time....not ours. So here we are....2 1/2 years after we found out the first time I was pregnant....3 babies lost.....and hoping still that God's plan will NOT be different from ours this time.

We remember and miss you Ava Lynn.....

25 weeks

So today's doctors appointment went well again. Once again my cervix looked nice and long. And Caden is growing and growing. Not to mention kicking and kicking. lol





He was moving around alot during the sono and it was so neat to see on the screen. We got a couple of good pictures....not as many as last time. We did get a pretty good 3D one. The lady that does my sonos said that it looks like he has a cute little nose and chubby cheeks! lol I also had my glucose testing done today so hopefully the results from that will come back good. So far my blood pressure is staying normal....another good thing. My doctor also said that we will start cutting back on the sonos every two weeks. The point of those were to keep an eye on my cervix and since it is not shortening at all.....he feels we can slow it down a little bit. I will still continue to go in every week for my shot....and I will still continue to see him every two weeks. He also wants to start me on steroid shots in a couple of weeks for the baby. Because of my history....he is trying to take all precautions just in case of preterm labor. Therefore....the steroid shots will help Caden's lungs develop faster just in case I go into labor early. I can't tell you how good it feels to have a doctor that is taking all precautions. It makes us feel like we have a fighting chance this time. So that pretty much sums up my doctors visit.....and of course I walked out with a huge smile on my face. Here is a picture of our little man.....I personally think he looks like Mike so far....What do you think??

On another note.....we have started working on Caden's room. We still have alot we want to do....plus more furniture to be added....but so far I really like the way it looks. Here are a few pictures of what we have done so far....I hope my little Rocker dude knows how much love is going into this room. I have gone in there a couple of times and just sat on the floor looking around. A year ago we were preparing it for a little girl.....and now a boy. It makes me want to cry when I sit there and think about how close we are getting to him being born. I know for many 25 weeks means you have a long way to go still. But 25 weeks for us means our baby finally has a chance of survival if something goes wrong. Not to mention the fact that I really dont think I will be going full term with this baby.....so really....he will be here before we know it....and I cannot wait for that day! So here's a few pictures of what we have done so far....once it is completely done I will post more....

Another A+ Report- 23 weeks

So we had our weekly visit today and once again we walked away smiling. The sono showed that my cervix still has NOT shortened at all. As a matter of fact....they said it is even considered kinda long right now! Imagine that.

I can't tell you how excited we are that this surgery worked for us. My doctor even said.... we are NO LONGER dealing with the incompetent cervix issue at this point. It would have shortened by now if it were going to happen. So now the focus is all the "other" issues that could pop up for me.... high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, pre-term labor, etc. I will continue to go in weekly for a progesterone shot and I will have another sono again in two weeks. After that sono...I am not sure what the game plan will be. I guess we just have to continue to take it day by day. And praise God for getting us this far.

We were able to get some really good pictures this time....I will share a few below. But while having the ultrasound we got to see Caden moving around alot. He had one of his hands on his head for awhile.... and we got to see him yawn too! It was so cute. This week I have been feeling him kick alot more. He was really kicking the other night when I was watching the Grammy's. It seems he likes music....which is a good thing since the nursery is a rock n' roll theme! I think he gets that from his Pops.

Anyways....there is the latest update from our end....we are just so happy things are going well and we pray that God continues to watch over us during this time. Enjoy the pictures....

Close up of Caden....I love his little nose....

Another profile picture

Full Body Picture

His foot....I think he might end up with big feet! lol